You know me, dear readers - only the fact that the class began stopped me from jumping down his throat. What I would have said is this: My mother, dear sir, just woke in the night terrified because her heart is at risk and her heartrate was so high. She called 911, was taken to the nearest Emergency in Ottawa, and in her report, "It was absolutely fantastic - the nurses were marvellous, they swept me right in, they did everything to make me comfortable, gave me a choice, used the paddles to normalize my heart rate, I had a lovely cup of tea, hugged all the nurses and went home."
She was incredibly grateful, and so am I. "Thank you kind sir," I wanted to say to my grouchy classmate, "your taxes kept my mother alive. They paid for my children's education, smashed into oblivion as it was by your ideological mate Mike Harris. Taxes pay for our civilized society. And by the way, looking at your well-fed form, it doesn't look like you're suffering all that much."
But I didn't. I circuit blasted instead. Forgive me.
Last night - crisis! I turned on the Comedy channel at 11 p.m. as always, and ... no Jon Stewart! Devastated, I turned to Bravo as I sometimes do to watch "Law and Order" instead - no "Law and Order." All was not lost - I watched a bit of the mayoral debate with Steve Paikin on TVO, until it got too depressing. This is not a great crop of candidates, to say the least. I'm supporting Pantalone, who's adorable. Doesn't have a chance in hell, but he's wonderful, positive, the leftest of the bunch. His sign will be on my fence. George is trying to please everyone - doesn't he have core beliefs of his own? And let's not even talk about the beefy-faced guy. Steve asked them all what their strengths and weaknesses as a candidate were; none had trouble addressing the strengths, but when Ford was asked about his weaknesses - three times, because he wouldn't answer - his only reply was that he needs to lose 50 pounds. This from a guy who has said incredibly offensive things over and over again and who is hated by almost everyone, except stupid voters.
But don't listen to me. What do I know?
I looked in the TV Guide. Jon Stewart is at 10 p.m. now. And "Law and Order" is at midnight. Life changes overnight. I can be in bed at 11 and still see one of my favourite men on earth. There is a god.
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