body blow

My body hurts, as if I've been pummelled, kicked in the gut, in the head. Well, maybe that also has to do with chasing my grandsons around the playground, growling loudly. That's our game - I'm the wolf, trying to eat them. At one point I growled so fiercely that a little girl nearby started to cry, so we had to temper our game.

It was a balm for the soul to be at a playground, a place of fantasy and fun, in High Park which was shining gold today.

After a sprinkling of snow a few days ago, today was almost hot - well, it was hot in the sun, though windy. A beautiful day in which to reflect on the fact that this planet is fucked.

Excuse me, but it's true. If millions of citizens cannot tell the difference between decency and gross, unspeakable evil, or, worse, they can tell the difference and they don't care, then we are fucked as a species and as a planet. As Anna said today, we'll be okay, it's Eli and Ben and their children who will really suffer. And it's true. 

I still cannot believe it. As Frank Bruni wrote in the NYT today, it's soul-shredding. It's a body blow. Even if Biden wins, it will be impossible for him to accomplish anything; they've been emboldened. My god, even the disgusting Susan Collins got back in. 

Anyway, I did get a break from it all, growling in the park. I've been joking about slitting my wrists. But the sun was shining and the boys were grinning and running and I got through. Now to go drink wine with Monique. And maybe cry a little for poor stupid, unbelievably stupid, greedy, selfish, blind, appalling humanity. My species disgusts me today.