watching CNN in disbelief

Holy @#$@#! Are we surprised? I just watched CNN for a bit; one reporter said he spoke to a close confidant of Trump's who confided that the current president is unhinged. Insane, batshit crazy. Of course he has been for years, but now it's evident to everyone except his merry band of violent fellow lunatics. The kings and queens of white grievance.

When you think of the howls about the violence around Black Lives Matter! But now it's stupid, vengeful, heavily armed white people. "Domestic terrorists," they said on CNN, at last. Appalling. A lunatic for two more weeks in the most powerful position on earth. Terrifying. 

I think of my former high school friend the Trump supporter, wonder how he's justifying this. Last time he wrote to me, instead of defending Trump, he continued to attack Hunter Biden. I've written him off forever. No time for that kind of delusional idiocy. 

Ye gods. My poor ex who lives down there - come home, Edgar! Get out of there while you can! My poor cousins in Looneyland. Though let's not forget that a miracle happened today and the Senate is now blue. Hooray for Stacey Abrams! Someone wrote on FB that she might be the most important woman ever in the history of the U.S. Quite possibly. 

Up here in Relative Tranquil-land - life goes on. A student wrote proudly today that an essay of hers is going to be anthologized in a book coming out soon. She was one of the most interesting students ever; as the result of a serious illness, she was suffering from profound amnesia. That was a first - trying to help a person with amnesia write memoir. She was a good writer and obviously continued to get better, because now she's in a book! Good news. Let's hang onto whatever we can today. 

watching Jeopardy, trying to ignore Georgia

Just turned on CNN but I can't watch; the race in Georgia is so close. How is that possible? I have to remember - Georgia is a Confederate state, so with built-in racism. But still! To think, I used to be appalled that people would vote for George Bush! 

Reading what's going on in the world right now is devastating, sick-making. What the outgoing administration is doing to hamstring Biden before he even begins. When will the vile circus to the south be over? Truly, forces of evil newly unleashed, and a pandemic growing worse. The world feels like a dumpster fire. 

I've spent three days trying to write a positive piece about the good things that happened last year, the joys of Zoom, banging pots with neighbours, the pleasure for a writer of being forced to stay home. But it's wrong. It's wrong to write something positive about last year when there was so much suffering not shared by me. Time to throw this one away and start another. Could be worse - only three days wasted. 

Barely moved today. Nothing more to say. Oh yes, tonight I watched "Jeopardy" for the first and perhaps the last time; it's the last week with Alex Trebek, that fine Canadian. He shot this week's shows only ten days before he died and was apparently in pain. It hurts to watch him, unfailingly courteous, walking slowly, with makeup. 

What a world. 

tweeting up a storm

Amazing. So this is how the social media steam train really works: thanks to a friend, I learned that the Globe health writer, André Picard, had retweeted my article, and that Dr. Jane Philpott, former cabinet minister, retweeted it again. I looked them up. By then, Picard's tweet had 27 retweets and 77 likes, Philpott's had 39 and 106. 

These are people who have thousands of Twitter followers. I have 149. A day after I tweeted my article, 11 had liked it and 3 retweeted. It's good to have friends in high places! I thank them both. So many have commented on its timely message, I've written to the Globe to ask if the article could be reprinted in other papers, but have not heard back. 

Oh, and another amazing thing: my psychiatrist called today to say how much she liked it. In all our years together - we began serious work in 1990 but for a very long time we've talked only once or twice a year - she has never contacted me. Strict boundaries. That was a deeply meaningful call. How this article has resonated! You never know.  

In the meantime, reality: I've spent two days working on a new article about this past year with Covid, and it doesn't work. A complete dead end so far. A good reminder that writing never gets easier, it just gets harder in a different way. In the meantime, the audiobook of the memoir, which took a week to record, has sold four copies, and because Audible lets people without a membership get one book free, the amount of royalties I've made is exactly zero. Cheers! 

It's winter. It's cold and grey, and we face at least three more months of cold and grey. Being alone in this silent house may, at some point, feel hard. So far, though, I'm busy and happy, counting tweets.

In the meantime, Anna wrote that Ben joined his JK class online this morning. The teacher, in this classroom with many immigrant children, was talking about families who live far away and asked the class if they have relatives who live far away. Ben put up his hand and she called on him. "My grandma lives on Sackville Street," he said. "That's far away, but I see her lots." 

Many heart emojis.

And Eli's tutor Greg sent this picture of his student with the Saturday Globe, his grandmother's name at the top. They talked about vaccine hesitancy, and Eli said, "If they don't want the vaccine, they should just read the article, how simple is that!" Greg is trying to get Eli to write longer answers, so they counted the words in the essay. Another lesson of writing: you never know what use your readers will make of your work. 

kind words aplenty

Renewed faith in humanity today: people read newspapers, and they're kind! The reaction to my article, just in one day, has been heartening. At 8 a.m. a group email came in from a Y friend, who sent word to our whole group that they should read the piece. So they did, and they wrote. I heard from Halifax, France, England, Vancouver, the U.S.; from two former university presidents who'd known Dad, one of them writing, "What I remember especially was his advice and kindness to me, twenty-five years younger and a beginner in his world. A nice guy in every respect. A mensch."

They wrote that he would be proud of me. What that means! 

Especially appreciated this note from Anna's neighbour, a retired schoolteacher who's been tutoring Eli every day for an hour and a half since the spring, for free. He told me my essay made him cry, and then, Your wonderful Eli has been a gift to me. He gives me a laugh every day. He’s smart, earnest and kind. All attributes that will serve him well in life. When I challenge him on something he will often say...”true enough.” He is giving me the “grandfather” experience I never thought I would have... and that is a great joy to me. Thank you Covid for that gift.

Many gifts, and I'm grateful for each one. But "smart, earnest and kind" - that means most. 

And another gift — Mary sent word about the memoir: Loose Woman  is marvellous! A beautiful story with its honesty and self reflection. I am sad to have finished it. You, my friend, are in a roll. Stay nimble!

Good advice, dear Mary, though I'm not sure how to do that. But thank you. 

Xmas is over; everything is taken down. In the old days, I'd remove the Xmas lights and shove them with relief into a box; the following year, my husband would have to disentangle a mess of lights, and we'd argue about my carelessness, which drove him insane. I took this photograph of yesterday's work, the lights neatly rolled and tied with ribbon, and sent it to him, saying, "I think I've grown up."

It's about time. 

vaccine article in today's Globe

What a joyful start to the new year: my article in the Globe about my father's polio, the Salk vaccine, and the issue of vaccine hesitancy, with a plea to anti-vaxxers. Hope it makes a difference. I'm happy it appeared on a Saturday with other vaccine articles. Just sorry they did not print the photograph to go with it. So I'll share it here.

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/article-my-father-was-thrilled-when-the-polio-vaccine-was-discovered-hed-be/

People have been sending messages since early morning, via email and text and on FB and Twitter. Thanks to you all! As Chris said, There is nothing like scientific experience to gainsay the opinions of those who think they know better through rumour and prejudice. 

I think everyone knows someone who is embracing ignorance and darkness these days. It's a wonderful thing to light candles.

Yes to candles. And as Jason texted, "Great work. Now do more." Yes sir!

Watched a wonderful documentary on NYEve: My Octopus Teacher. How to fall in love with an octopus - turns out it's easy, we viewers do too. Loved it. Highly recommended.

Today, my first piano lesson since March. There will be pain. 

May 2021 bring you health and fulfillment and many steps forward. Much love.