A bribe and a red harangue (PUN!)

It's here, my Christmas cold. I am snuffling my way through the merriment. Despite Cold FX and much hand-washing, it hit last night, and today I've been through half a box of Kleenex. But luckily - and not coincidentally, I'm sure - I have no teaching, nothing more than Xmas errands and visits with friends to force me to haul my bones from home. So I'm staying put.

As I snuffle, I have been thinking. It's time, my dear friends, for me to find someone to travel with. Some compatible person or persons. In all the years since my divorce, not a single friend has said to me, there's someone you should meet. So I am offering a bribe.

My dear friend Nicky, when she was living with a long-term boyfriend, told me once that when she wanted to have sex and he didn't, she'd offer him $65. She'd get up and write him a cheque, and usually he'd give in, laughing, and they'd do as she wished.

So here's the bribe: the person who introduces me to someone I enjoy talking to, and might even eventually enjoy travelling with, will be rewarded with $65.00. Sixty-five smackeroos, cash or cheque, made out to that perspicacious soul. I would like to meet someone - male or female but preferably male - who might be fun to hang around with and who might want to go places with an interesting middle-aged woman addicted to red wine, cheese, chocolate and books.

Though I can sense you all rushing to your address books (or whatever passes for them these days) in order to earn yourselves this windfall, please do not contact me in the next few days, because my nose is red and I'm sneezing too often to be my usual sparkling self.

Speaking of sparkling selves: my daughter had a great adventure on her journey to Ottawa last week. She flew Porter the day after I did, and was in the lounge waiting for her flight when she realized that right across the aisle from her, also waiting and alone, was our federal finance minister, Jim Flaherty.

It may surprise you to know that my daughter feels strongly about things and is not shy about expressing her opinion. Her dislike for Mr. Flaherty, a neo-con former Mike Harris henchman, is as intense as mine. She decided she should speak to him, but didn't know how to approach him or what to say. Finally she realized that she'd be filled with regret if she didn't; she went to the bathroom to compose herself and figure out her speech. "I thought I should be quick," she said. "I didn't want to get arrested and disappoint Grandma," whom she was flying to visit.

So she came out of the bathroom, smiled at him and shook his hand. "I may never have this chance again, Mr. Flaherty, to tell you what I think," she said. "I think that you and your dear leader will never be forgiven for your inaction on climate change, your unCanadian policies towards immigrants, and your utter neglect of anyone in this country earning under $100,000 a year."

She turned to go, leaving him speechless, and turned back. "And speaking of legacies, how's Brian Mulroney playing out these days?"

WOW!!! What a girl. Am I proud or what!