My report on the Grammys. Since you asked.

Felt obligated to watch the Grammy's last night - well, we old farts have to keep up with the music scene, don't we? So I watched, and this is what I have to say: current fashion is the anti-feminists' revenge on women. Almost all the men were comfortably dressed in hoodies and sneakers. Even young Bieber, in his splendid white tuxedo, was wearing sneakers, and so was Mick Jagger, one of the most dressed up, moving pretty damn well with minuscule black jeans on his spindly little chicken legs.

But the women! One absurdly overdone, over-sexualized confection after another, and teetering about on heels so high, they looked terrified to move. We were terrified for them. Poor Gwyneth Paltrow, making her way down some stairs with the most grotesque devices of torture on her feet. They all looked as uncomfortable as can be. Lady Gaga, "I was born this way" is a generous anthem; do you have to sing it in a ridiculous costume? Rihanna and many of the others, we can imagine what lovely bodies you have, you don't need to show us everything.

In fact, the whole thing was absurdly overwrought, people flying through the air, hundreds flinging themselves about while we're trying to watch artists sing. Arcade Fire was barely visible, as they played their fine song, with blinding white light behind and - how bizarre is this? - adults on BMX bikes zipping around in front. For God's sake.

At the bitter end, good news for Canuckistan - Bieber was shut out, and Drake, but Arcade Fire won Best Album of the Year, the biggest award. And thanked Montreal, and spoke in French, and played some more, almost visible this time. They were all wearing normal clothes and shoes they could walk in, and still they won.

During the commercials and boring bits, I turned to TVO and watched a devastating documentary on the use of child labour in the chocolate market in Africa. From now on, besides fair trade coffee, I will make sure to buy only fair trade chocolate. Flipping from one show, about a people near to starvation in Africa, to the other, an over-the-top celebration of music, much of which had its origins in Africa, was surreal.