postscript

8 a.m., a beautiful, silent Saturday morning; soon I'll go to the market and buy too many apples. Can't wait for apples.

But first ... oh I slept well last night, for the first time in a while. Partly because I finally cleaned up my room, put away the piles of clothes and papers, and felt welcomed in a tidy space. But also because I've left my existential crisis behind. Or whatever it was. A crisis of confidence. As in, I lost a lot of it, for some reason.

And I didn't just go through it, I went through it in front of you.

The wonder of a blog - the blessing, the danger. Should I go back and take all that whiny stuff out? I'm a teacher, after all, I'm not supposed to sound like my students, whimpering with fear about their work. But no, that's the importance of this forum, its immediacy and honesty. So in it stays.

And on I move. I received a report yesterday from my friend Margaret in Vancouver, who has read and edited my work for many years. She had concrete suggestions for improvement. In they will go.

As for immediacy and honesty, boy, has David Gilmour learned a lesson. He tossed off that interview, being facetious, and now - long articles in the papers, the university refuting his words, and yesterday, a rally to denounce him. He is up for a Giller prize, which is now, apparently, in jeopardy. Look, I understand what he was saying - that as a teacher, he feels he has to remain true to what inspires him, and what inspires him is male writers at the top of their game. But he stated it badly, sounded condescending, pompous and sexist, and now the wolves are out for blood.

And in a poll reported yesterday, Mayor Rob Ford received 49% approval. Up from only 44% a few months ago. A parallel universe exists out there, where Mayor Ford is doing a good job. I don't live in that universe, though. I live in Toronto.